Copy Paste & Changed

Nakal me Akal. Obviously with changes.

I Agreed To Be The Bride. I Didn’t Know That Would Make Me Stop Being The Daughter To My Parents.


indian-wedding

I just got 500 likes on my wedding pictures on Facebook. That’s a record high for me given that I only have some 700-odd friends. But I have to hand it to the photographer- He did a brilliant job. Isn’t that what any wedding is about? Happy feelings, taking beautiful vows, lots and lots of smiling photographs with the bride and groom looking lovingly into each other’s eyes.

I had an arranged marriage, I met my husband just once – the day our wedding got fixed. Sounds rather uncanny in today’s world, doesn’t it? But that is how quickly it was fixed. The wedding was arranged in a jiffy. It was almost like Marriage At First Sight.

Except, there was a lot more to it than meets the eye. And that is the Bride’s Story.

Before the wedding, the bride packs all her stuff in suitcases and bags, prepared to move to her husband’s home. When I became that bride, I suddenly saw my life being turned upside down with the strangest kind of uncertainty that was IMPOSED on me. It tore my heart. I still remember breaking down into tears as I was packing my stuff –

Just to think I will never use my old bed again! I will not wake up to see my old bunny bug toy against the wall, where my father had put it up for me when I was a kid. I tried packing the pictures, books, stuff and paintings from my room, but I realized how empty and lifeless it would make the room look. I realized that it would shatter my parents to look into my empty room. I had to maintain the illusion that I was not… Gone.

Like most Indian girls, I grew up to be an extremely independent woman– right from helping my mother and sister with grocery to medicines, to weekend movies and festival shopping; I would be the official driver and companion. I still remember the last visit to a movie in Bangalore before my wedding– my mother and I broke down while coming back. Until then, I didn’t realize that I may never again cherish these mother daughter moments together.

The wedding shopping fervor was mind numbing, the endless arrangements and the invitations drained me physically. But even that wasn’t enough to put me to an exhausted slumber. I had to stare at my ceiling at night with the crashing realization that my old room will no longer just be mine anymore.

And it wasn’t just my bloody room! I had to “shift” into a whole new home, and have an entirely other set of family and friends. That wasn’t me! That didn’t sound like my life at all!

I would choke on the tension and fear, always skeptical. Most importantly, I realized that these final days with my parents and sister would never come back again. It would never be the same. This version of me had an expiration date.

On my wedding day, I remember the countless relatives from in law’s side telling me “Beta, this day onwards you belong only to our family.” I forced my cheeks to stretch, imitating a smile-like something. But I kept looking at my parents silently. They were so busy attending to the guests!

“But I am always a daughter first mama. I will always be your Titlee, papa” I kept saying in my head, hoping that they would hear it from across the hall.

I wonder how many grooms are told, “You belong to only our family now”? I am not sure.

Behind the cameras, the mehendi ceremonies, the makeup sessions and non-stop controversial chattering of all the aunties, there is a the girl who is thinking about the few hours which are going to change her life forever… The new home she is going to, the new relatives she has never met and the one million new things keeping all her past behind… Hoping she can stay in touch with all her friends, hoping that her life does not change irreversibly, and hoping she can still follow her dreams.

And most importantly hoping – This is my man… Let this boat brave the storms in the ocean. Please God.

And so, with all the anticipation, tension, expectations, hopes and dreams, I took my vows. I began my “new life” by promising to be my best as a wife, friend, confidante, daughter in law, sister, aunt and what not.

But amidst these promises, I made another one- a silent one that nobody else could hear. I made it to my parents as I looked into their eyes, tears blurring the outlines of their faces. I made the vow to never stop being the daughter they knew me to be.

Then it was time for the ceremony of ruining my make-up with tears. They call that the Bidaai. I stepped out of the protective periphery of my home, trying so to be the smiling bride who was going to her husband’s house in sometime. There is a picture of that too.

But NO! A wedding is NOT just the exchange of vows or colorful display of pictures on a Facebook page that you “Like” so gladly! It is the beginning of phase where a woman embraces a whole new world. She HAS to, you see. It is the “normal” thing to do.

It is not that you forgot your duties as a daughter or a friend, it is just that post marriage it is not just your parents or your friends – it is now “our families and our friends”.

After the wedding, the groom’s home is thronged by guests and filled with festivities. “Welcome, Bride! Light our lamp,” they’ll say. But the daughter in me kept fretting about her home with her parents in it. No one but her parents in her home. All by themselves.

Home sickness after the wedding has a much different flavour than homesickness from the hostel days. I could no longer laugh away the difficulties and wait for my next vacation to go home. Technically, I was already at “home”. It was just a “new home” and I just had to wait for time to work its magic and make me accept this reality.

But no matter how sweet and caring your mother in law is, the special tea your mother makes, the way she arranges your stuff and the way your father cuddles and cajoles you is so irreplaceable.

But no matter how far the daughter is from her parents, at the end of the day, she is first their little daughter, and then a wife and daughter in law. Like they say ‘a daughter is a daughter all her life’.

Author’s Note:

I’m just another girl in another arranged marriage. I like my life and I love my husband, but I think that the stress on the bride is unfair. I am also pretty tired of responding to comments on my Facebook profile. Sometimes, I don’t want to be happy. I want to be able to cry and miss my parents. I don’t want to put up a smile all the time just to live up to the image of the wedding. My Mehendi is fading. Will my stress fade too?

Source – akkarbakkar.com

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From A Friend Blogger


It’s only twice in my life that I thanked God for my short height. You read it right, being short comes with few advantages and this realization dawned upon me last year. Once, when I went to Jersey Shore, there was a height restriction for many rides. You need to be short to hop onto few of them. Second, when I started noticing that after doing the laundry, either a sock or a handkerchief was missing. You see, our community has a common laundry room and dryers are mounted on top of each other. Once I loaded the laundry in upper dryer, and I couldn’t see the bottom of it. I just threw the clothes in and even with the best efforts, a sock remained in it. And to my sheer good luck, the dryers in the bottom rack had mechanical issues. So, when my husband inquired about his missing sock, I told him the entire story. On that fine (to be read as fortunate) day, he announced that he will do the laundry from now on.
It went on blissfully for few weeks – I relaxed and I hummed, ‘let’s do the washing tonight,’ when he did the laundry. But like in every fairy tale, there came a crooked twist, that hit the lady in me. One Sunday, he came back from the laundry room carrying the basket of unfolded clothes and said,
‘Yeh lo, maine aapka kaam kar diya’
Loosely translated as -‘Take this basket. See, I did your work.’
I fumed at the words my work. So I asked, containing my chafed nerves, ‘This basket has your clothes and my clothes. Then, how come it’s only my work?’ I bet, he understood that he ventured into the wrong territory. ‘Actually, since the day we got married, you did the laundry. That’s why I said so. Like I go and do the groceries on the weekend, that’s my work,’ he replied. Clever boy! I must say that was a good save. But later I asked him,
‘Do you think cooking, doing dishes and laundry is my job?’ 
His logic was simple – work should be divided in a family. If one spouse goes out for work, then other should take care of the house. Fair enough! Then, next question followed –
‘What if both of them are working?’
‘Well, in that case, they should divide the work among themselves,’ he replied. It sounded so right but sadly, it isn’t real. I am among the few whose husband shares the responsibility of household chores and boasts about it on his blog stating all the relevant statistics. But the bigger picture is lopsided – ⅔rd of Indian women say that there is an inequality between men and women at home and an equal number of men think that doing laundry is a woman’s job. And how often girls get to hear this –
Beta seekh lo, varna sasural jaa ke kya karoge
Or
Ladkiyon ko toh sab kuch aana chahiye
I feel, such mentality is imbibed in us from childhood. Men have an unquestionable right to relax once they are back from work and women must cook, wash and serve even after an equally tiring work. Why such an indifference? We think, sometimes we rebel but we hardly try to do anything about it. Worse, we label those men who work alongside their wives – ‘You know, Mr Mehta is tied to his wife’s apron strings!’ If a man can cook, iron and washes clothes professionally, why can’t he do the same things at home to share the burden of his wife or mother, I ask? 
To Men – we have proved our metal in every aspect of life, now it’s your turn to show that you care and are ready to shun that outdated mindset. More importantly –
Be a man –  who cooks breakfast with your wife.
Be a man – who does laundry while she is cooking. So you guys can wrap-up things faster and watch a movie later.
And my personal favorite, be an Iron Man and a true Superhero.
 Source – http://www.sarusinghal.com/2015/01/lets-do-washing-tonight.html
Categories: Copy Paste & Changed | 2 Comments

It’s YOUR OWN life !! Live Good.


In one of my earlier posts Addiction Redefined i mentioned about 90 / 10 Principle. Seriously, it slipped off my mind until a friend requested it and me too came across situations which remind me of this.  So here it goes..90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

It will change your life
(or at least, the way you react to situations)

We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be arriving late, which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in the traffic.

You CAN control 90% of your life – by how you react to the 10% you can’t control. You yourself can influence your attitudes, behaviors, thoughts, and words.

 

We are into the habit of reacting almost immediately to what was happening around without any attempt to control our reactions in any way. Because of that, our reactions were negative and destructive.

 

 Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 Principle.

If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You do not have to let the negative comments affect you. React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, or getting stressed out.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in the traffic?
Do you lose your temper?
Pound on the steering wheel?
Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket?
Who cares if you arrive 10 seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 Principle and don’t worry about it.

You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated?
It will not work out.
Use your worrying energy and time to find a new job.

The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on.
It will just make things worse.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger, why stress out?

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This is She


P1040135

She has secrets you’ll never know or understand.

She appears so strong on the outside,
but on the inside her world is spinning upside down.
She is smiling and standing tall to the outer world,
she is crying and breaking down in her inner world.

She appears so happy to her mates,
but alone, she shares her tears with her pillow.
She knows not to get her hopes up,
as they always come crashing down.
She has heard it all before & felt it all,
She has experienced more than her fair share.

One touch & she’ll flinch
One harsh word & she’ll cry
One bad moment, & she’ll break down

She trusts no one, because the people she has, hurt her & leave her to pick up the pieces
She believes no one, because the people she has, lie & betray her.
So for now she’ll keep to herself  & pretend everything is fine, when everything is wrong

I know this girl, because this girl…

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Here’s To The Woman !!


You are the best

Here’s to the woman..

Who knows where she’s going, and will keep on until she gets there.

Who knows not only what she wants from life, but she has to offer in return.

Here’s to the woman, who is loyal to family and friends.

Who expects no more from others, than she is willing to give.

Who gives the gifts of her thoughtfulness

Who shows her caring with a word of support, her understanding with a smile.

Here’s to A woman who brings joy to others… JUST BY BEING HERSELF..

Happy International Woman Day

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Simple & Straight


Put the past behind you and move on. Keep running.

Sometimes it will stop raining, sun will come up.

I couldn’t say when.

just keep running

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खास अहसास


Translate in English

       किसी अपने की सलाह थी – खुश होना सिखा है बेटा, तो दुख को भी समझना | इसके बड़े
गहरे मायने थे |

Khas Ahsas

उन लोगों को देखकर हैरानी होती है, जो दर्द को दबाने की कोशिश करते है | किसी भी तकलीफ से निपटने का तरीका, उसे दबाने से हासिल नहीं होता | उसका सामना करने से मिलता है | ज़ख्म अँधेरे में रोशन होते है | दर्द तभी चमकता है | उसकी लौ का अहसास रखना उसकी कद्र करना है |

कोई दिल दुखाए, तो महसूस करना | दर्द को शिद्दत से नापना | कोई अपमानित करे, तो उसके प्रति लापरवाही न बरतना | अपमान को महसूस करना | सारे अहसास तरतीब से जमे रहेंगे, तो उसूल बनाने का कोई कारण रहेगा | उसूलों को वही समझ सकता है, जो सारे अहसासात की कद्र करता हो |

कंधे झटक कर, गर किसी अहसास से किनारा किया, तो तजुर्बे की एक राह छुट जाएगी | ज़िन्दगी की बदसूरतियों को बेनकाब देखने की मंशा किसी की नहीं होती, लेकिन इनसे कभी न कभी सामना होगा, इनसे इंकार भी कैसे किया जा सकता है | हमेशा काफिले साथ नहीं होते, कहीं तन्हा भी चलना पड़ता है | तकलीफ के ज्वार से, अपने उसूलों को थामकर निकले, तो जीत का वो अहसास होगा, जिसका ईनाम मज़बूत शख्सियत के तौर पर मिलेगा |

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Are You BUSY??


Its not enough to be BUSY…but BE EASY..

Easy at  work without tension.

Easy with others in approach.

Easy with oneself for inner peace.

Have a BE EASY LIFE.. 🙂

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Hey Life, Thank you !!


 rise fall

 Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today.

 stronger

Be thankful for hard times, they have made you stronger and a better person

be-thankful

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You !!


 

Yes you

Always do what You are afraid to do in life because, to the questions of life You are the answer..

and to the problems of life You are the solution..

Its all in “YOU”

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