Mish-tories

Short Stories

The Decision


Misha from last few, rather more than few incidents she was more fed up than irritated.

Misha is constantly in the dilemma whether to share her mind set, with Shantanu or not. Her “upset-cum-agitated” mind is making her mad. In her full term, she don’t want to be in any trouble due to her mental state.

On one hand, she has one thought of avoiding the situation, and not increase any negative discussion on the topic. Another thought she has, that Shantanu should know everything. She knows, now she can’t handle the bundle of thoughts, and no more hold the sea of her compressed feelings inside her heart. Her heart is now overflowing and just a gentle strike will spill it out. She need to put “what’s-going-on-in-her-mind” out, and free herself.

First she thought Shantanu will blame only her that how can she say anything about his side of family. But on the second thought she knew Shantanu will understand her and her perception. As Shantanu also knows their nature.

At last, after so many sleepless nights, She took a stand and finally decided to share her feelings with Shantanu.

 

 

 

But she didn’t..        Wordless, she was..

 

 

 


Linking this post with #Monday Musings, Microblog Mondays and Wordless Wednesday

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स्थिर


दुखी, बेहाल, निराश, हताश, टुटा-बिखरा,

जैसा छोड़ गए थे, वैसी ही हूँ अब तक ।

अ’नामी’

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Modern society ? Busted!!


Misha don’t want to trouble Shantanu, so she never told him about any such incidents. She knew she only has to understand and she is doing. Shantanu might be knowing but what can he do?

Misha feels like she is still living in the 70s and 80s time, of which she had heard from her mother.  Where a bahu (DIL) had no power and choice on her own life. Every time she has to ask her in-laws for permission.

A call from her “previous” (yes, as per society that WAS her family. Now this is her family) family directly to her is so much a thing of prestige and pride for her in-laws that it created a mayhem. How can they call her directly and don’t call and ask them first? They are the elders of family, they should be given respect. Now God knows how can one get respect by shouting and asking for it.

Yes, she felt bad, even shed few tears silently, but more she was feeling pity towards those “elders” and how “kiddish” they had behaved. She is equanimious and is just watching the situation as a third person without reacting and only observing.

She asks herself : what could have been done so that this.. unrest and turbulence would have been avoided.
1. She should not have told about the phone call (as always)
2. The elders should have shown some elderness, maturity and handled the situation properly.

From many such situations, Misha is learning everyday. She thank all of them and many such people around her to make her wiser day by day. Now she knows and understands very well, how to handle situation, so as to maintain relations. She knows thinking and worrying more about this will push her more towards depression. So she will not let the negativity creeps in. She is good now.

How in today’s age one pretend to be so open minded but unfortunately reality comes out time and again. Arey, trust her once. Give her few chances. If you are saying your daughter and DIL are equal to you, treat her like that. Just don’t say for the sake of saying. How can you just think and make your own opinion about a person.

Namiwise

By misbehaving, a person is not insulting other, but is deteriorating his own respect. He is just satisfying and nurturing his ego.


Linking this post with #Monday Musings

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Dip into Depression


Shantanu- what happened?
Misha – Nothing
Shantanu – OK. What’s for dinner?

Shantanu – Why you crying / upset ?
Misha – nothing.
Shantanu – haha, OK cry, cry.

Misha – You knew about this. Why didn’t you told me earlier?
Shantanu -I didn’t knew.
*Misha felt hurt, as she knew the truth. *

Misha just expected a little more care and pampering. If he had asked once more, showing that he cares, she would have poured out everything her heart had held for so long.

On one hand, she was happy and content, but on the other, she feels low, empty and alone.

Even a slightest harsh thing hurt her like anything. She realizes how tender her heart has become. Like an innocent child tears roll down from a simple talk.

In her third trimester it happens. Harmonal changes lead to mood swings and kind of depression. She cries for no reason. But there are many accumulated spots behind those tears. She is very well aware of actions and thoughts she is going through. His one loving touch and she breaks down. She wants to say, prepare words but instead of words from mouth, tears started flowing from eyes, non stop.

Misha knew she can never go into any such thing as depression, but she is also very well aware of what is happening to her and she can actually see it coming. It was just like she is letting “The devil” come in and can’t do anything.

Misha is a girl who is mostly quiet and is to herself. Never talked or shared her feelings, particularly sad and bad ones, with any one. Not even her mother or even Shantanu after the marriage. But deep inside she always wanted someone “that special one” with whom she can share her every single thought, (good, bad, sad, happy..) without giving it a second thought. Without the fear of being judged.

Just a little more care and she will be saved from dipping into depression.

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Namiwise

If you think it isn’t happening to your loved ones, you’re wrong. So wrong. Ask them again and again and again. They will be reluctant at first, but then you need to prod.

It is not something that we don’t know or had never experienced. It is normal. We care for our loved ones and always wished their well being. Ask just one more time. #DobaraPoocho #BaarBaarPoocho

People who think twice before saying or doing anything, who do not open up their heart easily. They must be recognized and helped in bringing their thoughts out.

If you think you are strong enough and can’t get into depression, You are wrong. Depression is not something happening to only emotionally, or mentally week people.

My thought is, people who suppress their feelings and are strong, they only are more prone to such after affects. Yes, I call depression a after affect of being quietlyso much responsible and strong for too long. They take care of everyone and forget about taking care of self.

Let us all give them their share of care and save them from sinking into depression.

P.S. – #DobaraPoocho

This blog post is inspired by a video of “Live Love Laugh” foundation launched by actress Deepika Padukone, which deals with depression and helps people suffering from it.

The foundation recently released an ad about how we miss out on everyday cues by our loved ones, which only worsens their condition. One should prod loved one on seeing the slightest signs of unhappiness.

Quoting from foundation –

It creeps in with silent feet, sits calmly in your heart and runs havoc in your brain. More often than not, we don’t even get to know we’ve been hit by it. Mostly, it’s just a feeling of being “a bit off” or “not myself” that’s dismissed as a phase.

Watch the full video here:


Linking this post with #Monday Musings

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Grow up India #InfertilityNotATaboo


1. When are you giving the good news?
2. You must start trying now.
3. You both will cross 30 soon, don’t delay now.
4. You may not be successful in first time. Trying few times will again engulf few months.
5. Even after conceiving, it’s good if all goes smooth and well, but god forbids, we must see the other side also.
6. That So-and-so sister had 2-3 abortions and even with the final live birth she had so much complications.
7. Don’t use contraceptives etc. They affect future chances of pregnancy.

With all such and many more questions Misha tranced 2 years back while staring at “those two lines” . There is a small dark corner growing in Misha’s mind. She started asking herself “Despite of my confidence and gut feeling, what if even a slightest thing goes wrong. Everyone will blame me only”

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She started thinking of the times before her marriage. She was a bit horrified by the thought of having a kid. She had seen her sister-in-law and many girls in relation and is very well aware of the problems arising in a family after the new member arrives. She also realize it’s not necessary every bad experience will occur with everyone.

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Misha was an independent girl who wish to live her life, enjoy the fullest out of the life given once.

She was not in preference of having a kid. (Ok, call her selfish) Not Because she don’t like kids but is in a favor of living her own life with her lover-cum-husband. She don’t want to share the love and care, even be it with their own kid.

But then again as our society calls for. It needs a great deal of self confidence and strength to continue stick to this thought . Well she knew she will succumb and she did. Reason be any.

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To her it seems to be yesterday, when, she married to a boy of her own choice. It was a perfect love story for her. Finally, her dreams came true.

Soon after  3-4 months after the marriage everyone started saying “now you should plan”. What hurts her, that included her husband also. They talked and sensed each other’s feelings and opinion. She feels very much lucky to have him as her husband. One who understands and supports her at every turn of life. She loves him more than anything. She didn’t wanted a child, at least, not this soon. She wants to live with and love her man only. No third one.

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Soon her MIL’s words echoed in her ears. “agar rakhi tak kuch nahi hua to iska test karwaungi” (if we don’t get good news by rakhshabandhan, I will take her for tests”). Even Misha’s own mother had asked many times “tum log try kar rahe ho Kya? Ya kuch problem he” (are you not trying or is there any problem?”) initially those words hurt her more than anything. But Misha is not blaming them. She understands they were right in their places. It was just care and in their words.

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Both Misha and her husband were in their late twenties. And according to the Indian myths, one should not delay much, as after a certain age, problems persists. She understands this very well, but she didn’t want to have a child under pressure and not as per her choice and decision. She knew she can’t live a childless life in Indian culture. Or even if she initiates, she might not sustain that strongness. She started preparing her mindset

Until the day she can not stand any longer, to those taunts, questions and concerns, she succumbed. They planned happily. She was confident in conceiving with the very first try.

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Now, in her third trimester she still has her fingers crossed and hopes everything goes right and smooth.

—————————————————————————————————————————

She was not “labelled ” as infertile though,  but still she was experiencing the sufferings of being one or getting the blame of any complications (god forbid). She lived with the fear. Fear of the society. Fear of being blamed. Fear of standing guilty. Fear of getting the punishment without her fault or any mistake.


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Namiwise :

There are many more stories like Misha’s. Mostly with the “not-so-good” end will take our attention. This has become so natural in today’s world where things, specially pregnancy and delivery has become such a big issue of concern. Yes there are complications with few cases,  but that doesn’t mean every girls will have it.

Initially I was reluctant to talk about this topic,  Thanks to Corinne Rodriques of Write Tribe for encouraging me to write on the topic and to #BreakTaboos and #BreakSilence around infertility, to #Inspire #BringChange #EmpowerWomen. I was reluctant since I don’t know what to write or share. Never had any experience about this in friends and relatives. Even don’t have much information. Then I did some research about the topic.

There are many definitions of infertility vis-a-vis Clinical, Demographic, Epidemiological, Primary and secondary. In simple words what I understood from short study is this :

“Infertility is the inability of a sexually active, non-contracepting couple to achieve pregnancy in one year. The male partner can be evaluated for infertility or subfertility using a variety of clinical interventions, and also from a laboratory evaluation of semen.”

In this definition, the male partner is equally treated. If science mentions both genders equally then why we are not seeing it.

Some more data I discovered is :

Estimates from a study suggest that worldwide “between three and seven per cent of all couples or women have an unresolved problem of infertility. 20-30% of infertility cases are due to male infertility , 20-35% are due to female infertility, and 25-40% are due to combined problems in both parts. In 10-20% of cases, no cause is found. Again here, stats shows equal ratio among male and female infertility.

One thing I heard much about and even had experienced is, our Indian culture asks for a “good news” within an year of marriage. As soon as a newly wed girl enters the home : ” jaldi se ab agle saal do se teen ho jao”.

Point here is, it is mostly our Indian culture and traditional views that having a child is so so important. Yes it is, but let not blame the girls (yes specially girls are only blamed) for not having kids,  reason may differ.

“shadi ko 5 saal hogae he,  wo log try kar rahe he par bacha ho nahi raha” (it’s been 5 years of their marriage, but they aren’t getting successful, having a kid) this type of conversation should literally be “banned”. Arey, who are you and I to talk about that, who we meant, to gossip about their personal life.

Not a shame

Infertility is not anything to be ashamed of.  It’s not something which people go and talk about others suffering from it. People who gossip about topics like this,  I want to ask : ” do you talk or gossip about anyone suffering from fever or cold or any other medical problem.” No right?  Then why about infertility? Or any such taboo. It is not more than a medical condition.

Couples going through this are more disturbed and under pressure, by society and such people, than their own state of mind. Even somehow they manage to cope up but the taunts and indirect expressions hurt them deeper than anyone knows.

Let us not talk and just increase their problems. Let us not make them feel any bad or regret for their life. Let us support them in whatever their decision is. Let us stand with them and not against them. Love and Happiness is the solution to most of our problems. Happiness is more important, be it with kid of without kid. It lies within. We are proud of those who are taking the bull by the horns and let us all join hands and voices to say #InfertilityNotATaboo.

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This blog is to #SpreadAwareness about Infertility through Infertility Dost, India’s first website that facilitates couples to brave infertility with support and knowledge. You can find other links  on Write Tribe.


Linking this post with #Microblog Mondays and #Monday Musings

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काश !!


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इतने आंसू देते हो तुम
काश , मेरे न होते तुम ।
———–

इतने आंसू देती है तू
काश, मेरे हो जाए तू।

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The Trick


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लफ्ज़-ए-अश्क़


फर्श पर बिखरे हुए
बेजान शब्द उठाए
उसने पिरोई माला
दोहराई दस दफा
किया  इंतज़ार

सुपुर्द-ए-यार
कर दी माला
लबों से नहीं
आँखों से ।

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Trance


She was sitting in her room, facing TV,  facing but not watching. She is staring on the wall behind the TV. Misha doesn’t know where she is. Her mind is full of so many thoughts, plenty of questions.  She was getting flashbacks from some old bad “not good” days. She was hurt. Whenever she remembers those words, those moments, those arguments, a tear so slowly roll down her cheek. Misha realized she is getting weak. She is gathering her broken pieces.

Himmat sirf tab nahi dikhai jaati jab dikhana asan ho”

These words from an advertisement forced her to look at TV. As if, it was just for her. Talking and answering her. It came at the right time and in the right way. She felt like someone up there is watching her. Taking care of her. One who can’t see her weak. That power has given her a way. IT guided her.

She smiles. Looked up. “Thank you” is what she said. She is determined now. She is filled with strength.

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You be happy, I am satisfied..and I don’t care what you think.


Time : 9:45 AM

1. Report
2. Prepare presentation
3. Accounts check

“Report is almost complete, two more tasks for the day. Wow..good job Mish”. Misha appreciate herself as she was about to cross off the first one from the jotted down to-do tasks list.

Tring Tring.. She picks the phone.

“What is the progress on the report we discussed about in morning. It’s been half an hour. Complete it asap.”

“Ok” she replied and hung up. “Come on Mish ignore. It’s the habit.” she smiled and said to self.

She completed the report and gives to her senior.

“See, I yelled and made her complete the report.” Her senior thinks and fed the ego.

Misha returned to her cabin, cross the first item in the to-do list, smiles, and start working on presentation.

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Accidents


There is she, standing in gallery of her flat on the third floor. Thinking about her future ambitions and the past learnings. She has to decide which path to go. What to choose from the options. Where to go further in her life. Confused and with much agitated mind she was just blankly staring at the crowd of vehicles rushing on road. Suddenly she was dragged out from her thoughts. A girl on her Scooty was hit by a man with his bike. Not that hard, but both felled.

The girl was driving on her path correctly, none was her fault. It was a T-Junction, so due to a little carelessness of the bike rider he hit the straight going girl. They crashed and fell. They got up, saw each other, and had a word. Misha guessed both were asking if the other one is ok. They picked their respective vehicles and continue on their paths.

Misha now surprised and shocked by watching all this. She witnessed calmness, and forgiveness after an accident. Now she got few answers to the questions going on in her mind. She smiled and went back into room.

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New Section


From a long time I am thinking of trying my hand on stories. After so much thinking I decided not to think more and do something about it. Thinking alone will not work, action does. Once started, things will automatically fall in place.

So now I am starting a new section, “Mish-tories – stories about Misha – a girl.” Misha – my story character. I intend to write short stories initially. Will gradually introduce more characters as and when required.

I will be very glad to hear suggestions and feedbacks on the same. I also have in mind why not invite guest authors to write short stories. Just a thought. Views are welcome on how we can plan this and proceed.

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